I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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