only if we run a train.
done.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
