So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
