Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
