I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
