I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
