By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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