i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
