y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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