Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
