I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
