love makes seman taste better
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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