i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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