with your own penis?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
