Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
