I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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