Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
sarcasm needs its own font
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
