Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
