I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
