You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
