i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
