Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
