we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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