ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
