I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
