You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
