broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Randomize
