in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
