i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
