He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
