I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize