i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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