After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
