Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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