I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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