He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
