I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Randomize
