so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
