He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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