I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I FOUND THE LEGS
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
