Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
