I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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