Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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