i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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