Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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