I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
