Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
