mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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