the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
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