In the future we'll all be gay
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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