i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
is wine microwaveable?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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