tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
