I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize