The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
