ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
