You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
