Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize