Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
