I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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