He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
