Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
