i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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