Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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