if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I need to sanitize my soul.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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