When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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