At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
