Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Houston, we have a squirter
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
