No stitches, just platelets and will power
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
